All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
