girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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