I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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