he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
