He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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