There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
