Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
