her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
