we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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