I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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