Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
