Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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