3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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