Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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