I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
