you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
