I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
