When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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