I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
