She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
