Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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