It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
