I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
