Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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