New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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