my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
