i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
