it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
