I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
