I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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