I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How naked do you want me to be?
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