i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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