spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
