An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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