I wish I could punch you in the face.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
