Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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