I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this is an emotional support booty call
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
