whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
