I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
