hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
