So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
