I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
