guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she told me i tasted like america
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
