you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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