whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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