there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
