Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
