I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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