Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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