Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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