why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
