The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
