On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
