I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
