i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
