i just wanna soil my oats bro
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
