my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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