If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have aggressive nipples.
Enjoy the penises
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
