Will you blow on my dice?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
