Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
