I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
