Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
