I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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