i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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