you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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