So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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