I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
