The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
