Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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