One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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