I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
