Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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