I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
