ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
