Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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