Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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