I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
