Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize