he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
