Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
